| I hate work. But, in this type of world that we | | | | There's no need for anyone to be so naive. Being |
| belong to, money can be useful. For the past ten | | | | homeless doesn't make you inhuman, but many |
| years of my life, I had been completely banished | | | | people would believe that.It's early. Very early. |
| from the world of finance. My first credit card | | | | Seven AM. The birds just started their first round |
| was cancelled after four days. With my first | | | | of mating calls. The true alcoholics are just getting |
| checking account, I withdrew $200 from an ATM | | | | to bed now. Somewhere in this state, a group of |
| and never paid it back. I did the same thing with | | | | high schoolers are just coming down from their |
| my second checking account at another bank. | | | | psilocybin mushroom trip. I can feel all the working |
| These few incidents have made it impossible for | | | | class, single moms just arriving at work, an hour |
| me to every have a bank account or credit card | | | | and a half after waking up -- I'm watching their |
| for a very long time. So, yes, I burned all the | | | | soft exhale of stress and hope. On my way to |
| bridges and covered all the paths. I am completely | | | | work, there was a particularly unhealthy smell |
| expelled from the world of banking and credit. | | | | rising from the concrete. It could be a hallucination |
| This was no problem for me, since I was already | | | | caused by a night of heavy drinking and only five |
| living without much income to begin with.The | | | | hours of sleep. Regardless, I can just shrug it |
| memories of my first job have faded so much | | | | off.Kleineman's Restaurant. I arrive five minutes |
| that I now doubt whether I've ever been | | | | early for my shift. "Hey, my boy, Danny..." Mr. |
| employed. How to live without an income is a | | | | Kleineman greets me, "Didn't you get my |
| question of urban survival, especially for those of | | | | message?""What message?" I asked, and then |
| us who have special needs (i.e. alcoholism). The | | | | with a cracked smile, "And on what phone, |
| first time, I slept in the park, but some street | | | | answering machine, or e-mail?""I told all my other |
| kids showed me an abandoned mill they had held | | | | employees to tell you that we don't need you |
| up in. "The cops always check the park," one of | | | | today," he said, shrugging, "You got the day |
| them told me, "Stay in a dark place when you | | | | off.""But, but.... I got up early and came here, like I |
| sleep at night." From those humble beginnings, I've | | | | was scheduled, and I never heard from anyone |
| changed and evolved so much. Instead of defining | | | | else," I said. The struggle was more painful due to |
| myself as a human being based on what I have | | | | the sleep-deprivation and hangover."I know, but |
| been through, I've based it on what I can and will | | | | we already have a dishwasher," he said, "Come |
| do. I drank Bacardi in a Pasadena restaurant and | | | | back tomorrow. I'll have work for you, then.""Can |
| smashed a window with a chair. When I passed | | | | I at least get two fifty for the bus fair of getting |
| through Las Vegas, I somehow gained $10,000 in | | | | here?" I asked. My anxiety and agitation had |
| four hours and lost it over the next six days. | | | | made me more aggressive and assertive. He |
| There's a warrant for my arrest in Austin, Texas | | | | certainly gave me the money. There was no |
| for Riotous and Destructive Behavior, but every | | | | other choice. When he handed the money to me, |
| cop so far has been too lazy to fill out the | | | | it was almost as though he was giving it to a |
| extradition papers. I stopped a rape in Nashville | | | | homeless bum who was panhandling on the side |
| and was rewarded enough alcohol to require a | | | | of the highway. I am homeless, but it's not quite |
| hospitalization. I was the man with a blank future. | | | | my identifying factor in my relationship with my |
| My name is Daniel. If you ask my friends, they'd | | | | boss.Two blocks south, seven blocks east, cut |
| say I was the Beatnik drifter. Homeless, alive, and | | | | through the park, and you're in the best place to |
| free.Beep... Beep... Beep...My eyes burst open to | | | | get your alcohol supplies. I've got two fifty. Just |
| the light. I'll never get used to that sound. I swat | | | | about enough for a forty."Can I help you find |
| the alarm clock and roll over. My eyes slowly | | | | anything?" the manager asks, pretending not to |
| open again. It's 8:30. I have to get to work in a | | | | be watching me -- or maybe that's just my |
| hour half. I'm already dressed. And, making the | | | | unfounded suspicion that all old people distrust the |
| bed was as easy as getting out of a sleeping bag. | | | | young."You don't have any Old English?" I |
| Surveying the scene, I discover three more | | | | asked."No, but we have Steel Reserve and Colt |
| bodies on the ground. There was Z, a twenty | | | | 49, if you drink malt liquor," he said."I wish you |
| four year old, who had a friend tattoo a Z on his | | | | had some OE," I respond, looking through the |
| forehead when he was sixteen. The tragedy left | | | | racks, and discovering, to my surprise, a bottle of |
| him scarred and with a name he'd never lose. | | | | "Blue Mad Dog, the best fruit flavored alcoholic |
| Donny slept in the corner, his head propped up | | | | beverage you'll find, clearly the envy of wine and |
| against the wall. He had no shirt on and there was | | | | champagne everywhere," her hair was being |
| an empty beer bottle sticking out of his fly -- | | | | whipped by the midnight air coming off the |
| someone was making mischief last night. And, our | | | | waterfront, "This !@#$ is chemically perfected for |
| third contender, Rochelle, remained curled up in a | | | | that sweet taste of cirrhosis."Irene. A beautiful girl |
| ball on a chair. She had a small enough figure that | | | | that I used to know... a girl I used to love. We'd |
| she could make it a comfortable position. Small | | | | bark at the moon together, and giggle when |
| clips of metal pierced her face. Two rings were | | | | everyone pointed and laughed.My hands caress |
| connected with a chain; and there was enough of | | | | her stomach as I close my eyes, nearing her |
| a draft in the squat that you could hear the links | | | | face, "Booze is booze. What's the difference |
| make their clinking noise.I headed down the stairs, | | | | between flavorings?""Because this represents our |
| discovering several empty beer bottles along the | | | | culture, the culture of the wino!" she triumphantly |
| way. Turning to the main exit of our squat, I | | | | holds bottle in the air. I fall on her shoulder, slowly |
| discover my friend Buck. Somehow, he managed | | | | drifting in to sleep."So, you be getting the Mad |
| to fall asleep sitting up in a chair. There was a half | | | | Dog?" the manager asks me with his broken |
| filled whiskey bottle held against his belly, and | | | | Indian accent. I'm softly awakened from |
| behind that there was hard-chunked vomit on his | | | | daydream to my present reality: the scene right |
| leather jacket. I take one second to light a | | | | before I make an !@#$ out of myself due to |
| cigarette. With the click of the Zippo, his mouth | | | | alcohol excess. I nod my head in response to his |
| opens and I hear, "You're not a punk any | | | | question.Walking down the street with the bottle |
| more.""Would a punk put a cigarette out on your | | | | of Mad Dog, I start to think that I'm not |
| face?""Yeah, but you're not a punk, so I have | | | | representing the culture of the wino; I am simply |
| nothing to worry about," he smiled, shwilling from | | | | living a memory. This one's for her."What |
| his whiskey bottle, then putting it on the | | | | happened?" a slightly animating Buck opens his |
| ground.We had this debate last night. "You lose | | | | eyes to the day, "Did the Capitalist system fall |
| the grit and pain of being a true street kid when | | | | apart and they sent you home?"He struggled to |
| you start waking up in the morning to shuffle | | | | obtain a bare grasp of reality. I walked passed |
| !@#$ for some !@#$!@#$ing capitalist pig-""It's a | | | | him, heading on up the stairs. "Alcohol in the |
| !@#$in' family owned store," I said, shwilling my | | | | morning?" he references my Mad Dog with a |
| malt liquor extra hard."It doesn't matter," he said, | | | | smile, "I guess maybe you really are punk.""Would |
| as his face emerges from a shot of hard alcohol, | | | | you please cut the !@#$ with the high school |
| "You're working for the man.""He's right," Donny | | | | routine?" I replied cheerfully, "I've had my fair |
| said, "You're not a punk any more." This god of | | | | share of being ostracized for being different. I |
| squatters stood there, clad in the armaments of | | | | imagine all you --""Is that what you think we were |
| a punk: spikes and chains. For some reason, he | | | | doing?" Buck asked, "You're my brother no |
| had a polka-dotted scarf around his neck. He | | | | matter what, but that means I have to give you |
| found it on the ground earlier that day, and has | | | | !@#$ no matter what. Why did you take this job |
| developed the ill habit of wearing it."!@#$ you | | | | any way? We were enough money spanging."I |
| both," I notice Z spray painting the wall with an | | | | shwilled, and passed him the bottle. "Maybe it's not |
| anarchy symbol, "Having a job doesn't change me. | | | | about the money," I said, "For my entire life on |
| I sleep in a squat, like everyone else."Now I'm | | | | the streets, I haven't advanced one bit. I aged |
| rubbing my head in the morning, thinking about an | | | | quickly and built memories fast, but everything I |
| eight hour shift, and this prick sitting in my squat | | | | got I've lost. Photographs of squatmates, letters |
| just said that I wasn't a punk in his sleep. I don't | | | | from dead friends, all of the tickets I got in LA |
| care about names and phrases any more. Gutter | | | | for marijuana... Everything, I lost it all. I just |
| punk, street urchin, runaway kid, I don't care. I'm | | | | wanted to do something good for myself for |
| homeless. There's a weird smell in this abandoned | | | | once."He passed the bottle back to me. I let the |
| building. Coil springs pierce the one mattress I | | | | alcohol sting treat this horrible misery. "If I was a |
| have. The wallpaper is melting. Both floors are | | | | businessman making three hundred thousand a |
| covered in garbage: wrappers, newspapers, vomit, | | | | year, I'd still only want to get tanked with you," |
| beer cans, abandoned clothing. Home sweet home. | | | | his words are poetry."And that's probably the |
| And this is the place that we've decided to live. | | | | reason that I will always be a squatter," I replied, |
| No, this is the only place we could live. I have to | | | | "Money can't buy you a community and a |
| make excuses to no one.I forgot again this | | | | culture."Punkerslut (or Andy Carloff) has been |
| morning. The front door does not latch shut. That | | | | writing essays and poetry on social issues which |
| was probably the constant beating I heard last | | | | have caught his attention for several years. His |
| night. It didn't keep me up -- enough alcohol kills all | | | | website provides a complete list of all of these |
| consciousness. I walk out of the abandoned | | | | writings. His life experience includes homelessness, |
| reclaimed home, only to notice a mailman walking | | | | squating in New Orleans and LA, dropping out of |
| by. He gives me an odd look, almost unsure that | | | | high school, getting expelled from college for |
| anyone would have any legitimate excuse for | | | | "subversive activities," and a myriad of other |
| walking out of an empty building at eight AM. | | | | revolutionary actions. |