| ng with difficult people at work is at the top of | | | | putting out fires in the gossip mill. |
| every complaint list from every office in every | | | | The first question to answer is why is conflict and |
| country on the planet. Guess that means it is an | | | | upset with “difficult” people almost |
| international problem. | | | | universal in workplaces? Next is why conflict |
| Last week in a seminar in San Francisco I was | | | | seems to arise almost immediately in work |
| talking about the fact that work is not a rehab | | | | relationships, even before colleagues really have a |
| facility and two people stopped my talk by | | | | chance to get to know each other? Then why is |
| applauding hard and loud. So, I stopped what I | | | | there such a propensity for conflict to fester and |
| was going to say and asked why they had such | | | | worsen rather than just burn itself out on its |
| enthusiasm. | | | | own? And finally why do most HR interventions |
| The bolder of the two (there were several | | | | fail to reduce the level of conflict at work? |
| hundred people in the audience) said | | | | Here is a systemic way of looking at why we get |
| “because I am so sick and tired of making | | | | so annoyed with difficult people and usually never |
| excuses for some of the jerks I have to work | | | | even see that others may be pointing our way as |
| with. They should go to rehab and leave us | | | | one of “those types”. |
| alone”. | | | | 1. Conflict and finger pointing runs rampant in the |
| I took a breath wondering what would happen | | | | workplace because of our natural and universal |
| next. The quieter one then said, “Yes, we | | | | tendency to bring ingrained patterns from our |
| need to figure out how to test people for the | | | | childhood with us to work. |
| nastiness gene.” | | | | 2. Because of the roles we played as kids we |
| I took a left turn from my prepared program to | | | | come into new situations at work with |
| give the employees of this much respected | | | | expectations of how the others we work with |
| organization a chance to ask questions and vent | | | | are going to behave. |
| some of their frustrations. | | | | 3. Unless the workplace system is changed we |
| By the time the presentation was over there was | | | | get into a familiar rut of rote responding and |
| an agreement amongst most of those present; | | | | “I told you so” reactions. |
| there has to be a better way to deal with difficult | | | | 4. The tendency is to single out a |
| people beyond just pointing fingers at them. | | | | “difficult” person and target them |
| In fact, many in the audience were willing to look | | | | as “the problem.” |
| at their own part in creating a difficult situation | | | | To reduce conflict and increase productivity |
| rather than merely staying out of harm’s | | | | companies need to become “systems |
| way and blaming others. | | | | prepared”. This requires some new |
| We had made progress. There was a shift to | | | | thinking so that folks like those at my seminar |
| thinking about “difficult situations” | | | | who want others tested for the nastiness gene |
| instead of “difficult people”. Rather | | | | begin to see they are also part of the problem. |
| than lurching from upset to upset and applying | | | | Organizations that come to grips with the |
| Band-Aid solutions that did not change or improve | | | | emotional side of work are in a position to help |
| anything there was a willingness to look at how a | | | | teams look at the dissatisfactions and tensions as |
| system operates. Systems’ thinking | | | | everyone’s responsibility. Employees are |
| offers a path to real change in the form of a | | | | encouraged to speak out openly about their upset |
| deep, cohesive, and comprehensive interpretation | | | | and encouraged to talk about how they see |
| of problem relationships. | | | | themselves participating rather than merely look |
| Patterns of behavior become the focus of | | | | at the other person as the culprit. |
| attention instead of the blaming of individuals. | | | | This helps individuals become more thoughtful and |
| Systemic solutions will ultimately save | | | | more inventive in creating a work environment |
| organizations from the wasted energy of lawsuits, | | | | where gossip and office politics have little chance |
| disengaged employees, and excessive time spent | | | | to survive. |